Monday, September 26, 2016

The Power of Parents

I have been busy, busy, busy packing and purging for our upcoming move next month to a new house.  As I was going through some of my old counseling notes, I came across a quote from a seminar I attended on 'Parenting' and it really jumped out at me.  I mean, super super powerful.

"What My Mom Thinks About Me,  Is Who I Am"


My brain starting turning it's wheels and with all of the stress of school starting back up this month, the after school activities, the rush of getting out the door every morning, bedtime routines, dinner plans, homework (yes 1st grade homework), piano lessons, Nutcracker auditions....I stopped to think, "what message am I sending my child while doing all of these tasks on a daily basis?"

When we walk out the door on the way to school and my kids forget something and we have to rush back inside to get it, am I conveying the message, "Sometimes we forget things, and it's okay. It's tough to have to remember everything we have to do each day" and give them a hug?  Or I am sighing and asking them to hurry up?  Sending the message that they 'made a mistake' or 'aren't doing something right?'

When they struggle with their reading or math homework, am I conveying, "You are working so hard, you should be so proud of yourself!"??

As a parent, when we get frustrated (and we all do it often ahem), what message are we sending our kids? That we are annoyed with them, they can't figure out things for themselves, frustrated they have disobeyed us, etc?

But we can't always be the super-happy-everything-is-perfect-all-day-long parents. We all have our moments of being tired, stretched to our limits and at times we feel like servants to our kids' demands.  There are some days that if I hear ,"Mom!!" one more time I am going to lose it.

So I am just trying to keep in check how I act and how it affects my kids. I may not be perfect all day long, but I always remember that as a parent:      We get second chances. 

If we snap at our kids or say something we wish we didn't mean, apologize.  Tell them you are sorry and that you were (tired, hungry, frustrated, etc.).  They will learn we all make mistakes, even parents, and it's not the end of the world.  Even if you feel like the day was awful and you want a do-over, at the end of the day tell them how proud you are of them, give a few positive statements on their accomplishments they made, hug them and tell them you love them every day!

Monday, August 8, 2016

Back to School

Can you believe the summer is almost over??  I feel like it just started, and we had all of this free lazy time to do what we wanted and not wake up and rush out of the house.  But now it's time to get ready to go back to school. Whaat?

And if you are like me and procrastinate, then you are just in time for my list of supplies for kids. Here are a few of my favorites:

1) Lunch Boxes.  Gone are the days of the metal pails and thermos containers that you could pick up at any grocery store.  Ha, I still have my old Pigs In Space Muppets lunchbox.  Such a classic and so hard to purge that one.

But now lunch boxes have gone all fancy with Bento boxes and BPA free plastics.  It's seriously ridiculous and expensive, but I have jumped on it and love the PlanetBox brand of stainless steel.

Planet Box:

My favorite is the Rover, but you can click here and look at all the sizes and options.  It holds EVERYTHING!  You know, like that stick of string cheese that you can't find room for anywhere and don't know where to put it?

And I love how you get a choice of background magnets to put in it.

Now the not so fun part, it's 55.99$ and that does NOT include the lunch box bag that it goes inside. You don't have to order the 14$ lunchbox, but it is a large shape and most store-bought zipper lunch bags don't hold it.  But it will last forever and you HAVE to check out this link of tons of ideas of what to put inside for lunches. Right now they are having a Back to School Special, 10% off using code: 3Box10!!

Yumbox:  This is my second favorite and love that it is spill proof. So when I pack baby carrots, I know I can pour in the ranch dressing in the little bowl and it won't spill out of it.  These you can get on Amazon for 29.99$.

2. Backpacks:
This is a somewhat easy one. I just ask my kids what they want on their backpacks and we find them usually on Amazon.  This year my girls wanted Frozen and Paw Patrol.  I also make sure there are cup holders on each side for their water bottles and separate compartments for pens and supplies. Click here for the whole Nickelodeon supply of backpacks.

Here is the one we ordered that comes with a lunchbox and pencils:

And for your Disney kids, here are a few including Lion Guard, Frozen and the new Elena show.

And of course, there is always the classic Pottery Barn Kids backpacks.  The Mackenzie style have adjustable straps, some with rollers, and are made water-resistant.  You can also order in 4 different sizes.

You can also personalize them with your child's name. My favorite, but did not win over my child (maybe I can still order and secretly stash it away), was the unicorn one! Love me some unicorns!

3) Water Bottles:
My favorite ones are the Thermos brand because they keep their water cold all day! Almost as good as Corksicle and Yeti brands for grown-ups.  You can order on Amazon from 12$-17$ depending on which one you choose.  They have about 40 different ones to pick:

4) School Supplies: 
This was my favorite part of back to school. Going shopping for school supplies!! I still remember going to Target and picking everything out. I was obsessed. But alas Amazon has come along and you can now purchase grade packs for everything you need online.  This one below is for 1st and 2nd grade:

But if you are going to Target, right now they are having a special where you get 5$ back if you spend 30$, and a 10$ gift card if you spend 100$.

My favorite supply this year are the smelly crayons from Mr. Sketch! 9.99$ on Amazon :)

5)  Back to School Sign. We ordered this one last year for my Kinder girl and love it! Etsy does such a great job with so many choices.

6)  Books: My favorite "The Night Before" series has them for preschool, kinder, and 1st grade

I also love First Day Jitters for 6.99$ which you can use for ANY grade or age.

7) Planners:  Now this can be for your older student, and it is a MUST for all moms. I used to love my school planners as a kid. (If only it helped me actually earn straight A's, ha!).  But I loved choosing mine each year and would spend hours in the stores trying to find the best one. Hello Container Store 1991!  And yes, I still use my iPhone calendars but also love my paper Erin Condren one.  If you haven't jumped on this brand yet, you are missing out!  Click here and see all of the options, cover choices, etc.

Well, that's it for this year. Now I need to start ordering!
Monday, June 13, 2016

Dallas Summer Kid Activities

Summer is almost here!  That means no school, ice cream and snow cones, summer camps, and finding ways to pass the lazy days of summer.  Now that my kids are a little older, I have come across a pretty good list of places to help beat the heat in Dallas too.  

Outside Fun
  • Ridgewood Recreation Center remodeled their splash park a year ago and it's lots of fun for kids to run around without the hassle of a pool!  There is also a playground next to it for fun before or after swim:

  • Arboretum picnics in the morning (before it gets too hot)

  • Top Golf  for putt-putt

  • Playgrounds that have padded surfaces with some shade are Scottish Rite Hospital's playground and Coffee Park at Hillcrest and Northwest Highway.  We had our daughter's 2nd birthday party at Scottish Rite awhile back and loved it!

  • Klyde Warren park downtown also has a lot to offer, including splash areas for kids to run around, food trucks and a park. If you are feeling adventurous, you can try to take the Trolleydown there too. 

  • Cry baby movies at the Angelika recommended for babies under 6 months on Tuesdays and Wednesdays at 1:30pm.
  • Alamo Drafthouse also has summer movies for kids in the mornings. This summer they have Curious George, The Iron Giant, and Willie Wonka (2005). Check out their site for more details here.
  • Studio Movie Grill has Summer Kid Movies Mon-Friday at 11am for 1$ kids and 2$ adults, check the schedule here.  They will have How to Train Your Dragon, Shrek, etc.
Indoor Playgrounds
  • Pump-it-Up on Forest Lane has open gym play Monday-Fridays from 10-11:30am and from 12-1:30pm.  7$ first child, 5$ additional child.  You can now reserve a spot online! Check out their Online Registration here.
  • JumpStreet indoor trampoline park has open jump from 10am-9pm Monday-Sunday and is 4$ if under 4 and 8$ from ages 4-7.
  • The Perot Museum has an area on the lower level for children under age 5 to play and run around in, with water play, climbing structures and art activities.  Just beware the museum and parking gets crowded in the summer with kids out of school!
  • Walnut Hill Rec Center on Walnut Hill and Midway Rd. has open play/gym for children through age 4, Monday through Fridays from 10:30-11:45am for 5$. Express Cheer Open Gym
  • CooCoos.  Ok, so technically this place is in Plano and I haven't been yet, but CooCoos is a huge indoor bounce house type place. 8$ for children 4 and older and 5$ for 3 and under, open daily from 10-6pm. 6505 W Park Blvd.
  • Lake Highlands Rec Center now also has a great indoor playground for our littles from ages 0-5. It's 3$ for open play, Wildcat Fun Zone operates weekdays from 9-10:30am, 11-12:30pm, 3-4:30pm, and 5-6:30pm.

  • Indoor Playgrounds at Galleria Mall and Willowbend Mall.  I prefer going to the Galleria one in the mornings when it's not as hot (it's on the top floor) and not as crowded :)

  • The Treefort at Watermark Church has a great indoor play area. Check out the daily schedule of open hours here (scroll down).

  • We also love going to the Fair Park Aquarium. It's small so it's not too crowded, parking is free and kids of all ages love it! Plus it's air conditioned :) 8$ for adults and 6$ for kids 3+

Libraries and Storytimes
  • Reunion Tower has storytimes on Wednesdays this summer from 11am-11:30am on the GeoDeck! There are crafts and storytime. Discounted admission, 8$ for kids 4-12 and adults 14$. Details here.
  • Barnes and Noble at Lincoln Park also has storytime on Tuesdays at 10:30am
  • Northpark Bookmarks Baby Bounce and Tickles for Toddlers. Check out their calendar for weekly times: 
  • Tuesdays at Whole Foods Park Ln has storytime and crafting at 10am! We love going here for the free snacks too!
  • Pottery Barn Kids off Knox also has a Tuesday storytime at 11am
  • Storytimes at Lochwood Library on Fridays at 10:30m or Skillman Library at 10:30am on Thursdays.  Also Highland Park Library has them daily at 10am, click on link here.  The Preston-Royal location also has a different activity each Tuesday at 10:30am from music classes, to storytimes.
  • For fun weekend storytimes, visit the Half Price Bookstore on Sundays at 3pm for children under age 10.
  • Richardson Public Library I've heard has the best area for kids with an aquarium, lots of stocked kids books and a train table. Check out their schedule for storytimes though as you have to register beforehand here.
    • Best indoor restaurant playground is at the Chick-Fil-A at Southwestern and Central Expy, and Hillcrest Ave because it's not as crowded!
    • Bake and Play/ Lakewood Salon at Mockingbird and Abrams is a great indoor play area for kids.  Complete with dress-up clothes for girls and boys, playscapes, train tables, doll houses and food to feed your youngster!  It's 8$ per child, but if you buy a 10 pass punch card, it's 5$ a child. Don't forget socks for you and your kids!

    • Monster Yogurt in Casa Linda is also a great way to cool off the summer with a froyo AND an indoor playground!  Check out their site here.

    • Sno snowcones!  The best way to beat the heat, just wish it had indoor playground. But they have the best all natural flavors made in house! Meadow and I-75.

    Hope this list helps fill up your Summer fun! If there are any other places I've forgotten, post in the comments below. Happy Summer!

    Sunday, May 29, 2016

    I Can Do It Myself!

    "Mom, I can do it myself" or otherwise known as 'mastery' is something that every child goes thru. One day they need us to do everything for them and then we blink and they are little independent beings. When does that really happen anyway? When we are new parents, we are constantly feeding, bathing, dressing and cleaning for our little infants.  We do it all and sometimes wish for the next stage (break) of 'when will they start fixing their own breakfast or getting dressed by themselves?'

    But I believe that the best goal as a parent is to help our children be on their own by the time they are 18, right? We start out hand holding everything, but then slowly over the years hand things off to our kids.  It does seem we are in the rescue generation of parenting lately though.  My friends and I all joke that 'back in the day, we rode on the arm rests in our parents' cars with NO seatbelts!'  Now we have mega size car seats to protect our kids until they are 10, puddle jumpers for my 5 year old, and sippy cups so they won't spill. Yes, these are all safety related with good reasons, but are we over doing it and not allowing our kids to learn on their own and accomplish tasks?

    I recently read a new parenting book that discussed mastery and figured I should start working on that more in my house.  It's called Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr. Markham.  It defines mastery as when kids achieve things on her own and can grow into independent adults.  Mastery is a great tool to have as it also increases their self esteem.  And I have felt like recently I haven't been doing as good a job at encouraging mastery as I should.  I have been guilty of doing things for my kids because I can do it faster, and get us out the door.  Or because I worry about their safety and probably 'helicopter' around so they don't fall, or get too dirty on the playground.

    So how do we build more mastery skills?

    1.  Help build confidence by letting them tackle manageable challenges: You can be there for them as backup, but give the child something you know they can probably succeed at.  Knowing you as the parent are there will give them confidence.  If you do it for her, or show her how, then you are telling her she isn't capable enough to do it right.  And don't worry if they don't do it right.  If they do it today, then great, but if not they can keep practicing.  As an example, I say start small like helping put away the silverware, or cups when unloading the dishwasher.  Or putting on their own shoes on the right feet to tying their own shoelaces.

    2.  Praise efforts, NOT results.  Remember the whole praise vs. encouragement debate?  We need to encourage our children and not just praise them ('good girl!').  Focus on the process and not the product.  "You did that without giving up" or "you worked hard at that". Don't look at the end result but more on what they did to get the end product.  When we praise, it teaches the child that someone is always evaluating them and constantly looking for affirmation from others, instead of inside themselves.

    3.  Teach self-encouragement: The way we talk to our child will become their inner voice.   Teach our children self-talk so when they are at school or playing a sport and become discouraged, they can listen to their inner voice to motivate them. "I think I can, I think I can" is what we want our kids to be saying to themselves.  So try to set a good example and say things to help motivate you when you feel frustrated so they can learn from you, and keep trying and not give up when faced with a hard task!

    4.  Support your child in discovering their own passions.  Children are motivated when they pursue something that's important to them rather than a goal we tell them to have.  Their passions may change over time but they always deserve our respect as parents.  We should support them and not rescue them.  Just like parents want to step in and finish the science project when it's the night before and it's 12am.  If we do that, then it teaches the child he is incompetent, and he will learn you will always bail him out if needed.  We want the child to finish something, feel proud and how to plan a complex project.

    5.  Allow your child the sense of power and control.  This does not mean to allow your child to walk all over you.  It simply means to let them learn that they have an effect on the world around them such as if they figure out they can move the stool over to the light switch and then they turn it on by themselves.  If they have the opportunity to explore the world, then the more they will see themselves as capable little humans.  This is otherwise known as the non-helicopter parent stance :)

    These all sound doable, and we hope to practice more of these tips in our house.  One of the goals for my kids is to be able to stand on their own when I am not there, and to speak their mind and feel confident.  By gaining mastery skills, I feel like it will increase their self-esteem, and courage to do what they want to do in life!

    Hopefully these tips will also help you to help your child to motivate themselves and develop a sense of mastery in their lives!
    Friday, April 22, 2016

    Kinder, the best school choice for us!

    I can't believe the end of Kindergarten is almost here. I mean she was just a newborn the other day! We have our last parent/teacher conference on Monday and I am already getting teary eyed thinking about graduation on May 25th.  How did it fly by so fast?  And don't get me started with the amazing things she has accomplished this year at her school.  We are so overly happy with our decision to send her to our neighborhood private school, Highlander.  I went back and forth on sending her to our area public school, to a montessori school, to a few other private schools, and we can say without a doubt she has flourished so well at Highlander and have no worries we did the right thing.  I can't say enough good things about this school and how it has made our family even happier!

    Trying to find the right school was so hard.  I am kind of a picky and high maintenance parent when it comes to education. :) I love our area public school, but it was just not a good fit for her.  After lots of searching and with her being on the younger side (and also on the smaller side), sending her off to part-time kindergarten was the best decision for her.  She is in a class of 13 children, with a lot of one-on-one attention.  While touring around, I found that our neighborhood schools had become over-crowded and even some private ones as well going up to 22 and 25 kids with one teacher.  We knew that our daughter would get lost in the shuffle.  She is a bright child, but being our first born, she is also very sensitive and on the quiet side.

    We heard from lots of previous teachers that large class sizes are hard for young children, especially the quieter ones, in that the teachers' attention is often placed on the 'more attention seeking' children and then others are often not paid enough attention.  It's a hard balance for them and classroom management is difficult and I totally get it.  But at the end of the day these teachers would go home and say "oh I wish I had given that poor boy more attention today" but then they get stuck again and again with the harder to manage ones, and the cycle goes on. Not that my child doesn't get in trouble for talking out of turn, because she does and is not perfect. But a lot of schools have general education mainstreamed in (which has its pros and cons- not going to debate that here) and the teacher has to manage all children with all diagnoses in one classroom (autistic, ADHD, ED) without an aide or an assistant.  So those poor children suffer even more.

    I also love how Highlander still teaches reading and math like they did in the 1950's.  They are a Carden school and still use the old readers. I say don't fix what doesn't need fixing!  The old school reading and math teaching methods have worked for so many years. Now there are new ways to learn math and reading and some don't even teach phonics, which to my reading specialist sister, is the worst way to teach a child.  And some area schools are not teaching multiplication tables, they make you say/write "8 plus 8 plus 8 equals 24" instead of memorizing 8X3=24.

    Another issue in education these days is the lack of recess in elementary schools.  Research has shown how play is crucial to learning and so is outside play time!  Our public area school district is trying hard to get them to change it from 10 minutes to 30 a day.  I am so glad that Highlander has daily recess and DAILY PE classes. Yes, that's right, our elementary school grades have PE EVERY day!

    This has also been a hard year for me as a parent because I struggled with the whole red-shirting debate about holding back my 5 year old daughter, who won't be 6 until May 13th.  The poor thing keeps asking why she is one of the youngest in her class.  But she has been doing great with her school work, with learning to read, spell and do math! It's amazing to me because I didn't learn any of those things until 1st grade.

    I have been watching her all year and keep double checking to make sure we made the right decision with sending her on to Kinder vs holding her back.  And why not? I mean when I was a child, most kids were not held back. In fact, most were sent on early. A lot of my high school friends started Kinder at age 4.  Now the trend is to hold back and some as young as February birthdays.  When I delivered my child, I was happy she was a May birthday because I knew I didn't have to worry about the whole summer birthday issue (I was a July 27th baby and was not held back), and had no idea I would be faced with this decision 5 years later!

    But with all of the drama of holding back vs not holding back, I am so happy we found the best school for her!  I am confident she is ready to move on and she is in a good place. I don't have to worry about her moving forward through the grades.  Highlander is such an amazing school where the teachers truly care about each student, and the children care about each other too.

    When we toured the school this year for the mandatory Kindergarten parent tour, they took us to each classroom and had the teachers explain the goals of each grade.  When we got to the 6th grade, they sat on the floor in a circle and talked about why they liked the school, and by the end I was crying. I looked up and all the other mothers were wiping tears away as well.  It was amazing to hear these children talk so lovingly about each other, what made the school special to them and it was all so genuine and from the heart.  I love how the older children help the younger ones, the 6th grade students get the children out of the cars in the carpool line every morning and my child has a 6th grade 'buddy'.  And when I work lunch duty, all of the children come up to me thanking me for helping, and address me as "Mrs." which I am still getting used to, lol, but I love how they learn social skills at the school too.

    I know half day kinder is not for every child and especially for those full-time parents.  I am so grateful I am able to stay home with my children and give my child this gift.  But knowing my child, going full days where you have to focus a lot more than in preschool would have been too much for her.  She goes full days Mondays and Wednesdays and half days Tuesday, Thursday and Fridays. She is so happy when I pick her up and she still gets so excited every time we drive by her school "there's my school Highlander!!" she yells from the backseat :)

    I know every school decision is hard, and for some maybe it was not a big deal and was an easy decision. But for us, I know we can all sleep soundly at night not worrying about the next few years (well, until she turns 13 :).
    Monday, April 18, 2016

    You Look Really Sad!

    How many of you have just given up on the tantrums?  Every day in my house someone is crying, not happy and whining.  Some days you just want to give in. "Here, watch Paw Patrol" for the 18th time, to get them to stop crying over some Shopkin that is missing.  It stops the tears, but it's only for a few minutes before it starts up again.

    After reading How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk , I've realized that the best thing to do is 'acknowledge their feelings' but how many times do we actually do that when we are tired, frustrated and just can't deal with another meltdown?

    But this past week I really have been trying to make an effort to do it more and it DOES work.  I know it's not a normal human reaction when your child is crying, to just stop, think about what your child is feeling/doing, and then just re-stating what you see going on.  But if you think about it as an adult, if someone did the same to you, it would feel so much better and you'd feel understood!

    For example:

    Child: Bawling because she wanted Cheerios and not Raisin Bran cereal for breakfast

    Parent: "It looks like you are feeling sad because you wanted Cheerios and not Raisin Bran for breakfast.  You are crying, and that tells me you are sad and frustrated."

    Child: "Uh-huh"

    Parent: Hugs child.  "It can be hard to want something really bad, and then not be able to get it"

    Child: "Uh-huh" and stops crying.

    Now your child may keep at it crying, "but I REALLY want Raisin Bran mom!" or they may be okay enough to have the other choices, or run off and play.

    But you can still say what you are seeing and give that choice:

    "I know how badly you really wanted Cheerios, but it looks like we are out of those.  You can choose to have Raisin Bran, or Oatmeal this morning, what do you choose?" etc. (and if they don't want any, you can just give a choice of nothing too- you can choose raisin bran or chose not to eat anything for breakfast, the choice is up to you).

    But just going through your day, and just stating the obvious of what they are doing, "you are really mad your sister took that iPad away from you and you don't like that!" really helps them feel understood.

    Even if you don't agree with them and their reactions, you can still acknowledge their feelings.  It will really help decrease their meltdowns:

    "You are sad that your friend didn't play with you today"

    "By throwing that toy, you are telling me you are really mad"

    You can always then state your limit afterwards like, "But you know toys are not for throwing, let's try to find something else you can hit or throw when you feel mad. Come over here and hit this sofa if you are frustrated!"

    But just try saying/mirroring back exactly what you see them doing/feeling, and I promise, it is crazy how well it helps.  Try it this week and let me know how it works for you!

    Wednesday, March 30, 2016

    A Good Book

    I get a lot of questions from parents about book recommendations for specific things their kids are going through.  Death of a pet, anxiety, sicknesses, crime, divorce, loss and grief issues, etc.  And there are lots of good books out there for each topic, but one book that I refer to time and again is A Terrible Thing Happened

    It's a story about a little raccoon where something 'terrible' happened.  The book doesn't mention anything specific, but you can talk to your child about what it might be, "I wonder if maybe he is being made fun of at school, etc.?" and fit it to something your child is going through.

    It talks about how the raccoon gets tummy aches from it, or has bad dreams from it and then he talks to a lady about what happened and starts to feel better.  Now your child might not be in therapy or have a school counselor to talk to about things, but you can always talk about how telling someone about things always makes them feel better. That keeping things (feelings) inside can cause us to not feel good.

    Of course kids can't always 'talk about' their feelings. Hence the whole play therapy thing and how children express themselves through play verses words. But you can encourage your child to draw their feelings, and to give their feelings a name 'I see you have been crying and that tells me you might be feeling sad.'

    Overall it's a good book to have in your library for those times when things come up unexpectantly.