Sunday, November 9, 2014

Giving Choices Handout

I was going through my old counseling handouts I used to give to parents, and came across a few really good ones.  I always kept them to one page for easier reading, because as we know, parents don't have much time to read and too much information overwhelms us.  So I thought I would post a few of them on my few next blog posts.

Today's is on Giving Choices. It's mostly like the blog posts I've talked about here and here but this is an awesome cheat sheet (adapted from Gary Landreth, at CPT).


Choice Giving

"Her entire life you've been telling her what to do.  When will she ever learn what it feels like to make a choice? When will she ever learn what responsibility feels like if you keep telling her just exactly what to do?"

-When setting limits, give a child a choice which includes a consequence.  You MUST use the word 'choose' in your choice or it will not work.  It makes it clear where responsibility is being placed. And do not give threats "if you don't do this, then you.." as it does not teach self-control.

Rule of Thumb: You give big choices to big kids.  You give little choices to little kids.  You don't give big choices to little children.
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Example #1: A 3-year-old wants to eat a huge pile of Oreo cookies.

"You may choose to keep one cookie to eat and put the rest back, or you may choose to put all the cookies back.  Which do you choose to do?"

What if she insisted on two cookies? You fall back on the choice:

"I'm sorry, I know you'd like to have two cookies to eat, but that's not a part of the choice.  The choices are: You may choose to keep one cookie to eat and put the rest back, or you may choose to put all the cookies back.  Which do you choose?"
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When parents always take control & stop children's behavior, children learn to depend on parents to control them- rather than learning to control themselves.

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Example #2: School aged kids fighting in the back seat of the car

"When you choose to fight in the back seat of the car, you choose to give up TV for the day.  When you choose not to fight in the back seat of the car, you chose to get to watch TV that day."

If the behavior continues after the choices have been given (girls continue to fight), you're immediate response will be:

"I see you've chosen to give up TV for the rest of the day." (There are NO MORE Chances)

What if the children are good all the rest of the way home in the car?  When you arrive home, the children ask if they can now watch TV because they were good the rest of the way home.  You MUST stick with the choice the child made.  NO negotiation.  This won't work if you back down. So you respond:

"I know you'd like to watch your favorite TV show, but Sarah, the very moment you chose to fight in the back seat of the car, at that very moment you chose to give up TV for today."

You have taught your child self-responsibility by giving them a choice- they chose to give up TV rather than the parent taking it away. Once they learn to control themselves, then the child will begin to correct their own behavior.

-Remember to adapt the choice to the child's age. A 9 year old's consequence may be no TV all day, compared to a 3 year old's consequence of no TV that morning.  For children under 7, never use consequences that are too far out such as tomorrow, this weekend or when you get home from school this afternoon.

-The hardest part is sticking to it! You must be consistent and follow-thru.  We are teaching children a lifelong lesson: The VERY moment you make a decision, you are COMMITTED.  At the very moment a 15 year old swallows a pill that could alter him forever - at that very moment he is committed- no matter how much you want to take it back, you can't.

-Five years from now, which will matter: missing out on a pile of Oreos or learning to live with the consequence of a choice?





Friday, October 31, 2014

Holiday Toy List

Amazon's Holiday Toy List is up!  Click on the link below for exclusive deals and promotions before they run out. Items like Melissa and Doug, Legos, Disney Frozen deals, etc...


Shop Amazon - Holiday Toy List


Thursday, October 23, 2014

Halloween Goodies

Here is my annual preschool Halloween books and movies post!  Some repeats here as they are always good classics!  I always buy 1-2 additional Halloween books every year, I just love this season.  And we are all ready for that Fall season with Pumpkin spiced everything and cooler weather!


BOOKS:

1) For babies and toddlers Five Little Pumpkins ($5.39) 

Five little pumpkins sitting on a gate.  The first one said, "Oh my, it's getting late."Get ready for some wicked fun as these five pumpkins run and roll! My children have loved this sweet rhyming book the past few years and love that it's a board book.





2) For Preschoolers:
Little Critter: Happy Halloween, Little Critter!  ($6.29)
My preschooler loves this book!  It has lift the flaps in it too and she loves all of the different halloween characters.




3) We love the If You Give A Mouse book series, and haven't read this one yet, but plan on ordering it!  My preschooler and toddler will love reading this one.

It's Pumpkin Day, Mouse! (If You Give...)  ($6.12 Board Book) The mouse decorates all of the pumpkins in the pumpkin patch with different faces.






4) For all ages:
The Hallo-wiener ($5.71)


This one is close to our hearts because we have a little Dachshund at our home and tells a great Halloween story, kind of like the Ugly Duckling.


5) There is the always popular : Haunted Clubhouse (Disney Mickey Mouse Clubhouse) (6.29$) 


6) We love the 'night before' series and especially their  The Night before Halloween ($3.59)
'Twas the night before Halloween, and all through the house, All the creatures were stirring, except for the mouse. The monsters had gathered to plan and prepare, For the trick-or-treaters who soon would be there?."


7) Doc McStuffins Boo to You!   (7$) This one is a touch and feel book and my 4 and 2 year old love this episode on TV and also enjoy this book too! And it's a great board book to take in the car and not worry about it getting torn up.



8) And one more for the preschool and school aged kids: Room on the Broom (6.29$). We love this book at our house and there is an App on the iPhone too that's super fun and cute.  

The witch and her cat are happily flying through the sky on a broomstick when the wind picks up and blows away the witch's hat, then her bow, and then her wand!  Luckily, three helpful animals find the missing items, and all they want in return is a ride on the broom.  But is there room on the broom for so many friends?  And when disaster strikes, will they be able to save the witch from a hungry dragon?






TV Shows and Movies

Halloween season isn't complete until they've seen a few Halloween cartoon specials and movies. Don't forget to DVR some of the ones coming up for free, and the Disney Jr episodes like the Halloween Doc McStuffins.

1)Spookley the Square Pumpkin  ($9.98) About a square pumpkin who is different and feels left out, but then saves the day after a storm hits the pumpkin patch!




2) The All-Time Classic!  Look for this one on TV and DVR it, if not order it here: It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown (Remastered Deluxe Edition) ($10.99)



 

3) This one I haven't seen yet, but looks really cute!
Curious George: A Halloween Boo Fest ($9.96)



4) Thomas Halloween. Need I say more if you have a preschooler who loves trains?
Thomas & Friends: Halloween Adventures (free for Amazon prime streaming, or $9.99)




6) And for the older child, like an Alice in Wonderland Halloween adventure (but mostly for kids 10 and up)
Coraline ($6.99)

 


So there you have it. My picks for your little ones this Halloween.  Have fun getting in the spirit and Happy Halloween!
Monday, October 13, 2014

Age of Innocence


I sat and watched Mr. Rogers with my toddler this morning, and it brought back so many memories of my childhood.  I used to LOVE that show and still to this day, whenever I think of how crayons are made, or where milk comes from, I think back on the 'how to' videos he used to show. Do you remember those??

But I digress, so what I started remembering was how at the beginning of every episode, I would try to guess which colored sweater he would choose from his closet.  Ha, that was one of the highlights of my day! Wondering what color he would choose.  If only my life now was that simple!  Watching Mr. Rogers, eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, taking a nap and playing OUTSIDE. Preschool is such an innocent age.

For the majority of little kids out there, there isn't much worry.

With all of the drama on TV lately (especially here in Dallas), I realized how innocent young children really are and how much of this cruel world they have not gotten to know yet.  As I was getting dressed this morning, I signed a big 'ugh' as I tried on my jeans and my post pregnancy tummy looked bigger than I remembered.  I started thinking how my preschoolers don't know what 'fat' means.  They think everyone is beautiful (and they are gosh darn it) but you know what I mean.

My preschoolers have no idea what plastic surgery is.  They think yellow pants and an orange and dark mustard yellow flower shirt goes together along with their red bow and are fully confident in going to school in that outfit.

Preschoolers are okay with passing gas in public and talking about their 'vaginas' to complete strangers.

They are okay with giving random strangers hugs and so TRUSTING.

But on a darker note, they have no idea that planes crash, that there is a deadly virus called Ebola, that people can kidnap them and do cruel things.  They think everything is sunshine and roses.

When I turn around and see my little girls crying because one of them isn't sharing, I cringe at the thought that it is all they are worrying about today, meanwhile mommy watches that Isis crisis on TV at night.

I have no advice here or real great insight, but I just love seeing their little innocent cuteness.  I sometimes want to shelter them and have them finger paint and dig for worms all day.  Is that so bad?
Monday, October 6, 2014

Pre K School Woes

Sorry about not posting anything in awhile. I was really enjoying my free time with my girls over the summer and was being super lazy.  I loved waking up in the morning and having nothing planned.  No rushing to be at school or a class, because for those that know, getting out the door on time with 2 preschoolers is a task for an army team! I loved that we were free to go and do whatever we wanted this Summer. Visiting the library, going to indoor play areas, play dates, swimming pools, kid movies, etc.

And now?  Geesh, where do I start? If I didn't have time to shower before, now I have no idea where I find the time.  I know, a little TMI, but my life is now a race ever since school started.

Which has made me really think about, or should I say 'dreading' the whole 5 day a week PreK programs that many schools are doing including mine. Yes, I know children need the educational and social stimulation of preschool, not to mention that moms need a break to go to the grocery store alone without toddlers screaming.

But with my first born going to a school that only has a 5 day a week option, I am having major mom mourning.  Like I am sending my child off to Kinder a year early!  As a stay at home mom family, we have made sacrifices so that I can stay at home with my girls and spend the first years before Kindergarten with them.  Seriously, they are 4 years old, why do they need to go 5 days?

Yes, I know, seasoned moms have told me that they need 5 days, because Kindergarten is crazy busy and exhausting.  That kids will get home at 3pm and crash in bed by 6pm, so if they go 4-5 days a week for PreK, it is easier for them to prepare.

So it's been 1 month now and my child is definitely exhausted. She cries when she wakes up, whines on the way home and before bed? Let's just say she is going to bed at 7pm which is early for her. By Friday, the poor girl is so tired she takes a nap during 'rest' time and also naps on the weekends to catch up.  She LOVES her school and wants to go every day, but a part of me is really having a hard time with it. Sigh.

I am planning to take her out one day a week, sometimes with her sister so we can all be together and other days when her sister is in school so we can have some 'alone' time.  My daughter is having a major jealousy issue now with her baby sister too, like saying "I want her to go back into your tummy!" So, let's just say spending one on one with her while I still can is important to me- before she is considered truant in Kinder :)



Monday, September 29, 2014

Parenting Book Blurb

So, I guess you have kind of noticed the lack of posts lately...Ahemm.  Well, preschool started and well, my life has kind of gotten a little crazy.  With Back to School events like MOPS, my Early Childhood PTA, my 4 year old now going to school 5 days a week for PreK and my 2 year old now going twice a week, and being on their school's Parent Board Committee, things have been super busy!

I thought having a newborn meant being busy, but now I know what all of the moms with preschool kids were complaining about being busy in a different way. Geesh.

With that said, I will be posting regularly again soon, but until then, another parent blogger contacted me to let my readers know about a Parenting Book Giveaway she is doing. She knows how much I love How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and will be giving away a copy of the book, plus 3 more that are her favorites.

Check it out:  http://afineparent.com/giveaways/4-amazing-books
Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Bringing Up Bebe

So I finally finished reading Bringing Up Bebe and so glad I did!  I have had it on my list of reads when it came out 2 years now, and now I wish I had read it back then.  For anyone who knows me, I think I lived my former life in Paris ;) Bringing Up Bébé (14.99 Amazon)



Anyway, so in case you haven't heard of this book, it's basically about an American mom living in Paris and raising her 3 children there.  She used to be a journalist in NYC, and after moving to France with her British husband, they had a baby girl, and a few years later had twin boys.  So you could say she has a good perspective on the whole parenting thing.

This book has totally changed the way I think about things when it comes to my current parenting woes..aka whining kids, constant attention and poor eating habits, not to mention sleep!

I am not doing a book review here, but I have to give a few highlights of the book which have really helped give me new perspectives:

1) Sleep!  When my babies were not sleeping through the night, I would wonder all the time how other cultures dealt with baby issues like crying.   I was so glad that this book was finally written to help gain some perspective on American sleep parenting vs. a European view.

The author finds the magic secret that all French babies are sleeping through the night or as they call it, 'doing their nights', by 3 months of age.  How do they do it? By using the 'pause'.

Basically instead of rushing to the baby's side at the first cry (during the day or at night), they wait and try to really listen and figure out why the baby is crying: is she hungry, teething/pain, dirty diaper, etc. They are 'observing' the baby to see what they really need.  They take a couple of minutes to figure this out, and let the baby learn how to communicate their needs.

They also say that the baby wakes up during the night in between regulating sleep cycles and if we rush to them immediately, then they won't learn to link their sleep cycles together on their own.  I know some Americans and some sleep books that do advocate this type of not rushing to calm a baby, but I am a sucker and can't stand to hear an infant baby crying.  I think I was one who rushed to their side even before they would start to cry!

But if I had to do it all over again (which won't be happening at all), I'm thinking maybe waiting 1 minute isn't such a bad idea. Not 5 minutes, but maybe just 1.  I mean, they do have to learn that we can't be there immediately every time they need us right? Which brings me to the next part...

2) Learning to Wait

Apparently in France, children/toddlers can sit and play by themselves and the adults can have a real conversation around each other.  They aren't demanding of their parents, they aren't pulling on their pant legs for attention and they don't scream and throw tantrums at restaurants.  Say what?  Not really the case here in America :0

The secret?

The French say that their children learn to wait.  They have learned the art of entertaining themselves and distraction.  They don't teach them these skills, they just give them opportunities to learn it themselves.  Basically involving delayed gratification, such as buying them candy, but making them wait to eat it after dinner.  It's setting firm limits and learning to say 'no' to their kids.  In fact the author goes into a long story about how to say 'no' and mean it, so your child will actually listen to you :)

They recommend teaching their kids that they can't have everything right away, especially in a store. Or when a child starts to whimper for more food, rushing to feed them is viewed like giving in to an addiction, and teaching them to have patience is a way of respecting a child....so speaking of food and waiting...

3) Eating

The French also teach patience through meals.  Apparently they all eat 3 main meals a day and the children don't have a single snack until the 4pm 'gouter' snack.  All I can say is wow!  In my house, my toddler is demanding 'snack!' like 15 minutes after her breakfast and wants Goldfish crackers, or a pouch or her Cliff children's iced oatmeal bar.  Since reading this book, I have learned to tell her 'no' as she runs to the pantry and I tell her no, set a limit, then distract her and it has surprisingly worked!

I would love to have my girls wait for meals too.  The author talks about a dream world where moms don't "walk around with baggies of Goldfish or Cheerios in their bags to patch over the inevitable moments of angst" tantrums.  She says, "Americans have decided that it is impossible for children to take part in any activity without shoving something in their pie holes."  So true!  We don't leave the house for an errand unless snacks are packed.

They also have 4 course meals at home and most families eat together to teach them manners as well as patience.  They serve the kids fruit and veggies first to munch on while they wait for the protein part, that way they get the nutrients first.

The author also talks about how they learn to eat normal food, not kid food like nuggets and pizza!  In France, daycare and preschool is free, and it is government run, so ALL employees go through rigorous trainings and have advanced degrees in childcare.  They go through tough interview processes with 500 applicants and sometimes only 3 are hired, and they all have a psychological evaluation.  And so when it comes to the food, they are also very picky about the diets of the day care kids.

The chefs of daycares do big time menu planning and come up with menus such as: first course of shredded red cabbage, and white cheese, then a white fish in dill sauce and a side of organic potatoes, followed by a cheese course of Brie, then a dessert of baked organic apple.  And it is either pureed or cut up depending on the age.  Did I mention these are free, government run daycares??  Toddlers here people! These are not 15 year-olds but toddler meals!

The best advice she gives in teaching your child to eat good food, is making sure to re-introduce foods each time, even if they don't like them.  To make sure that your child 'tastes everything on their plate.' They don't have to eat it but at least taste it.

French parents also encourage good eating habits by discussing the texture of the foods on their plates, the smells, etc to get them interested.  They also make them help prepare the meals they eat, so they are invested in how it turns out and willing to eat it more.  And to get them to eat the veggies (and prevent battles), they ask them to eat each veggie item on their plates with as much enthusiasm as the sweet fruit sitting next to it.


The book also goes into a lot more about the different cultures, and even how the French push independence so much that 4 year-olds go on 2 week long away school trips!  Okay, that one I am not a fan.  But for the most part, she has given me a lot to think about and some great tips. I totally recommend reading the book and all of the drama she encounters along her parenting journey!