May17

Connected

Again, I have to apologize for not posting in awhile.  Baby Girl #2 is almost here, and I have been running around trying to get everything done.  Nesting big time.  But it’s made me think with all of my planning, ordering things for the nursery and getting errands done, that I have been connected to my computer and iPhone more than usual these days.

It hit me today though that maybe I should really put up the communication devices and give my toddler my undivided attention, since it will be a family of 4 soon and not as much mommy and me time.

I am usually pretty good about not having my iPhone around when my child and I are playing, and I can’t email or check things on my laptop because my child wants it and starts typing on it, or wanting to play with it.  A major sign I shouldn’t have it out in the first place.  This is why I stay up later at night just to get things done.

But today, I was checking my Ebay status on an auction item I was bidding on for a stroller accessory, and my toddler came over and shut my lap top. Uh-oh.  Yep, that is a big clue that I am a little more connected to technology than I should.

When I used to nanny for kids, it was before texting phones were popular and not many people were emailing all day long. There was no Facebook or Myspace either.  I would go and babysit and give my undivided attention to the child and if someone needed to reach me, it was on my home phone. I could check my Voicemails from their landline while the child napped, if needed but not very often.

I got my first texting phone in 2007 and then my iPhone in 2009.  I also got my first lap top in 2008.  So, my point? It really was not that long ago that things in my life were so accessible.  AND, the whole ‘push notifications’ on your smart phones makes things more quick than ever to get an alert.

And as a mom, and soon to be mom of a newborn, I want to teach my children that life does not revolve around phones and computers as much as possible.  I miss the days of not being accessible to things and not having to give an answer back to someone immediately.  Remember those days?  It was not that long ago.

And when my mother comes over to visit my child, her cell phone is always ringing and the texting alert is going off.  She turns it off since she is there to see her grandchild and to give her that attention, but it makes you realize how much people try to reach you and expect a reply quickly.  What did people do before cell phones?  Or computers?

I know, ironic because I am blogging and at my computer now, but my child is fast asleep.  My goal after the new baby is to be less connected and more in touch with my children. I may be a little late and delayed getting back to you, but it might be because my child is wanting to play :)

 

 

Posted in Child Therapy 101 | 1 Comment
May07

When to say no?

With limit setting, it’s always hard to be consistent.  Just like I’ve talked about before, when your child begs you for the candy at the check-out lane, and he begs for it 5 times, and then you give in, he knows that it takes 5 times of begging his mom and then he’ll get what he wants.

But sometimes we are in public and we just want to please them and give in, so we can get our errand run and then get the heck out of there!  But when do we say no and when do we let it go?

This morning for instance, my child wanted another one of her chewy vitamins, (we do the whole Juice Plus chewable thing), and I just give her one of each. I mean, you don’t want to go over the recommended dosage of a supplement, right?  I set the limit as usual (limit setting described here).  But she was crying hysterically for another one, even though she knows she just gets one of each.  It would have been easy to rationalize and give her one more, because, they’re good for her and she is almost at the age where she can have 2, and it would have started our morning out easier, right?  But I stuck to my word, didn’t give in and got her out of her high chair and ready for the day, she cried but was over it pretty quickly.

And then there are the struggles right before bed time.  Sound familiar?  My child is slowly approaching the, ‘just one more’ stage of one more book. And I can see where she will be at the stage soon where she wants an extra glass of milk before bed, or one more snack, or one more hug, etc. just to avoid bed time.

We always read 3 books before bed, and last night I had given her the warning that, “after we read this book, mommy is turning out the light and we are going to sing a lullaby and go to sleep.” When I was about to turn off the light, she said she wanted 1 more and when I told her she had already read 3 she started wailing crying.  I thought to myself, okay, I could just read one more, come on, they’re books and good for them right? And if I don’t she will cry and won’t go to sleep well.

It’s all about good sleep in this house, so I gave in.

Yikes! Yes me, I gave in.  So tonight we will work harder on letting her know 3 and that’s it.  I think I will make her pick all 3 out first, set them in a special place and then read them and giving the reminder after each one.

It’s constantly asking yourself, “okay, do I set a limit here, or is it really not a big deal?”

So even though I know how to set limits (acknowledge the feeling, set the limit, give alternative), it’s sometimes hard to know when to call the shots too. I usually keep my limit setting rules simple and set limits for:

her safety, the safety of my house, the safety of my toys and me! and for consistency in routines (like bed time) :)

But sometimes I will watch her do something like climbing on my sofa and jumping up and down on it and I’m like, hmmm, I know that I don’t want her to go to other people’s homes and climb on their sofas, so I don’t want her to learn a bad habit, but yet, I climbed on my sofa as a kid and didn’t see the harm in it, right?  BUT she could get hurt.  Could I tell her to only do it on our sofa? Right, like she has that self control.

I’ve learned it’s hard to be in the middle on things.  You don’t want to set limits left and right and be the strict parent and have them end up OCD and afraid to play, or have them end up the opposite and rebel like crazy.  Yet, I don’t want to give in to too much as we all know where that will lead!  I think it takes just going with the flow and being matter of fact about it, not making a big deal about the limit, stating it and making sure you follow through!  And planning what are going to be ongoing house rules at your home and sticking to it.  And speaking of ‘ongoing’, I have a feeling this dilemma of wondering whether to set a limit or not, is going to be an issue on up through the teenage years!

Oh, and one thing to always keep in mind, remember to not sweat the small stuff :)

Posted in Discipline and Limit Setting, Play Therapy | Tagged , | Leave a comment
Apr29

What’s In a Name?

I am pregnant with my second girl.  And being 35 weeks along, I STILL do not have a name picked out for her.

Since my little bundle of joy is due in a few weeks, we are feeling the stress.

Having lived my whole life with an uncommon name, I liked the idea of my children having a different name as well.  It’s always been a good thing to be out in public and know that if you hear your name called, it’s you they’re referring to.

My first little girl’s name Luna, was easier to choose.  I had always liked the name ‘Luna’ ever since the first time I heard it 10 years ago while working in a daycare at Club Med Resorts.  Since it’s an international company, there were a lot of different and unusual foreign named babies I came across, and Luna was a German babe (it also helped that she was super cute)!

It was easy to pick Luna as my first born’s name- it was uncommon, pretty and means ‘moon’ in Italian and Spanish (Lune in French).

But I didn’t think about what I would do if I had a second girl.  Now that the time has come, I have NO IDEA what I am going to name her.

My husband of course is more into the common names, so we have not been able to choose one that either of us like.  When I tell him I want an unusual name, he came home the other day and said, “what about Samantha?” Okay, as much as I love that name (it’s the name of the main character of my favorite childhood show Bewitched), but uncommon? Don’t think so.

So we are back to square one.

And so, I need your help!  Something different that will go well with Luna.  A name that by the time she’s in Kindergarten, there won’t be 6 of them in her class.  A name that won’t get stares when you are yelling it at the playground when she’s about to jump off the swing set. (Yes, there are a lot of pretty names on paper, but when they are said out loud?…hmmm).

So please help me. I know you all have baby names you love. I know you all want to help me name the little sweetheart inside me who is already giving me pressure, about to pop out. :)

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 18 Comments
Apr20

Diapers

Yes, I am one of those cloth diaper mommas, but with baby #2 almost on the way, I have wondered what I am going to do- stay with cloth or add disposables?

When I was first pregnant with Luna two years ago, I thought about cloth diapering because I had read a lot about how more and more people were doing cloth again, and how great it was for the environment.  Plus it helps them potty train sooner and is better overall for their bodies without all the chemicals found in disposables.  I researched cloth laundry services and soon realized I didn’t want a diaper service where you share diapers. Yes, maybe they’re clean but it still sounded unsanitary.

So we went out to the only diaper store in the Dallas area to learn more about cloth diapers: Babies Bottoms and More located in a mom’s garage!  The owner went over all of the options: cloth diapers with covers and snaps, inserts, liners, all in one diapers, and two in alls.  It was enough to make my head spin!  We figured we would wait until my newborn was settled at home before I tried anything drastic.

After our baby was born we used disposables to make our life easier in the beginning.  They are the greatest invention, but I also felt like I was building my own landfill with the amount of waste we created in just one day.  We were taking out the diaper genie bags once a day!  So I researched some more and read about all the junk in regular diapers like these cancer causing toxic ingredients: bleach, PVC, formaldehyde, heavy metals, Sodium polyacrylate, etc.  Have you ever noticed those little crystals on your child’s behind from the diaper? Yeah, those are some of those absorbing wetness crystals that cause all the bad stuff.

That’s when we started purchasing the dye-free, chlorine free diapers.  My family thought we were crazy and going overboard, but hey, we were just being cautious.  But I still wanted to try the cloth diapers.

Disposables and wipes were going to run us 100$ a month and we learned that cloth diapers might be an investment in the beginning but will pay off in the end.

So we decided to go with the All-in-Ones when she was about 3 months old.  What are AIO’s?

They are a cloth diaper and cover all built into one diaper!  You don’t have to put on the cloth part, then a cover.  You also don’t have to do the insert thing where you buy the reusable cover with the pocket and stuff the cotton cloth inside of it.  AND the AIO’s have snaps and adjust while your baby grows.

We love the Bum Genius Elemental AIO, the best cloth diaper out there in my opinion!  You can get it on Amazon for 24.95$ if you click here: Single Bumgenius Elemental Organic Cloth Diaper All in One for Girls PINK.  We bought about 24 diapers and yes they may be expensive to get a set, but in the long run they pay for themselves, especially with other babies.  They last a long time!  I’ve even seen people selling them on eBay.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They are super absorbent and very easy to use.  Just snap and go.  And when you need to use a wipe, we also bought some cloth wipes to use that are like little washcloths.  I have a diaper warmer and I fold the wipes, run them under water to get them damp them store them in the warmer.  You can also buy or make your own diaper wash spray with almond oil and some lavender oil that we spray before we use a wipe.

So what do you do once they do their business?  We have a diaper pail which is a plastic trashcan (from Target)  that we put a laundry bag in to line it and toss the dirty ones in it as well as the wipes. With babies not on solids yet, you just toss the poopy diapers in and wash them.  Once they are on solids, you do have to just dump it into the toilet or we have a Bum Genius diaper sprayer attached to our toilet to wash them if needed.  It’s really not that bad, trust me.

Then once it’s full, you take the laundry bag and dump the bag and all the diapers in the wash. We have a front loader and it works great.  We do once cycle on cold, double rinse with no soap to just rinse out the diapers, then we do a second cycle with hot water, 2 scoops of soap and a second rinse.

The best soap we have found is Rockin’ Green.  It gets everything out!  We use it for our laundry too and it comes in lots of different scents and depending on your water, either Soft Rock, Hard Rock or Classic Rock.  And with a front loader machine, we don’t use much water at all.

How often do I wash? About every 2 days or very other day.  It’s not bad, my washing machine does all the work!  And there is no folding, I just toss them in one of my child’s drawers in her dresser.

 

As far as night time diapering, we did buy a couple of extra liners.  These are basically pieces of cloth that you put on top of the diaper to absorb more at night so they don’t leak:

 

 

 

 

 

 

And in case you were wondering what to do when you are out in public and have a diaper change?  Sometimes if I know I am going to be out for awhile, like a trip to the zoo, I make sure my child is in a disposable.  But if it’s just a trip to the mall and you need to change a cloth diaper, I always have a ‘wet bag’ (a mini laundry bag that zips) in my diaper bag to put the cloth diaper in and then you can carry an extra cloth diaper in your bag or bring some disposables to change into.  The wet bags come in some super cute fabrics too:

 

 

 

 

 

 

So there you have it.  Cloth diapering 101.   See? It’s not so hard!  Ok, maybe you think I’m crazy now, but it really is so easy.

Now of course I still keep disposables on hand for my child’s Mother’s Day Out and when I know I’ll be gone for awhile, or when traveling.  I still buy chlorine free ones and just found a new line by Jessica Alba called The Honest Co.  I ordered a free trial sample and loved them!  Click on her website if you want to order your free sample too.  They don’t have any of the bad ingredients in most diapers and they come in lots of cute patterns.  Right now you can’t order them individually, you have to sign up for monthly service of 80$ a month for a full supply of diapers and wipes, but they told me they’ll be selling individual packages soon.  Check out the cute diapers that came in my sample:

 

 

So what to do when I have 2 children in diapers with one being a newborn? Yikes, I still don’t know what I will do but I think I am going to give cloth diapers a try for both. I may purchase a few extra All in One’s so I’m not doing laundry every day.  I will definitely start with disposables for my newborn the first week so I’m not too in over my head!

Oh and I have to add that I am in no way reimbursed by any products mentioned on here, I wish!  I’ve just felt like talking about how great cloth diapering has been and have been wondering what on earth I’ll be doing with 2 in diapers very soon :)

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments
Apr15

1st Play Therapy Moment

I apologize for not posting in awhile.  I have been one tired momma lately being 33 weeks pregnant and chasing a toddler all day long.  So after I put her to bed, I am usually curled up on the sofa in a coma for some much needed relaxation time and no time for blogging.

But, yesterday I was so excited to witness my child’s first real play therapy experience during her imaginative play!

It all started a couple of weeks ago when my toddler was climbing our wooden outdoor playground with my husband.  He comes inside and tells me he thinks she has a splinter in her foot.  I have no idea why she was climbing barefoot, but apparently she was and somehow got a tiny piece of wood lodged on the bottom of her foot.

So I get the needle, sterilize it, and while my husband holds her, I quickly prick her foot and got the splinter out.  Of course she was crying and not happy, so I told her she had a booboo from the playground and mommy had to fix it.  I kissed her foot and told her it was all better.  She didn’t want to walk on it for a few minutes but then was okay.

Weellll, the next week she constantly kept saying, ‘booboo’ and wanting me to kiss her foot and then held out her other foot for me to kiss.  Each day I was kissing her foot.  I think the poor thing was a little traumatized by it (okay I am exaggerating here), and she wanted reassurance.

But yesterday as we were playing together, she grabbed one of her dolls and brought it over to me.  She held out the baby’s foot and asked me to kiss it!  She said, “booboo” and held out the foot! It was so adorable.  She then held out the other foot and wanted me to kiss that one.  She then walked away to put a diaper on the baby doll and that was it.

As I was sitting there a few minutes later, it dawned on me that she had just had her real first play therapy experience!!!  She had been through a little stressful experience of having a splinter removed, and she released her anxiety by playing it out with her baby doll!  She has not asked me to kiss her foot or the doll’s since.

And that my friends, is what play therapy is all about.

Children communicate through their play.  They use toys as their words and play is their language.  Children can expresses themselves and any anxieties, worries, changes in the home (new baby), etc. through their play.  And play therapy doesn’t have to be for the super serious trauma inflicted children either.  It is great for all children as they grow through life and have new experiences, they can safely play out what they have learned and witnessed through their play.

So what was my response to her play and how was it more play therapy vs just pretend play?  In play therapy we reflect feelings and do not judge or make long explanations.  So I reflected the baby’s feelings of feeling hurt and sad and that she was now feeling better: “Baby feels sad and hurt…..You want mommy to kiss the baby’s booboo.”  And I also ‘enlarged the meaning’ by stating, “sometimes we get booboos and they hurt but then they go away.  Band aids and kisses can help make them feel better.”

And in case you were wondering, no, I don’t recommend using play therapy responses all day long with your child when the time comes.  I do make feelings statements with my toddler though here and there so she learns her feelings and use non-directive play at times (not labeling her toys but letting her do the labeling) and letting her guide the play.  Usually it’s a lot of mommy being silly and having fun with my child kind of play all day long, but when the opportunity comes like yesterday, it feels so good that I can help her along.  So cute!

 

Posted in Play Therapy | Tagged , | 3 Comments
Apr02

Feelings Worksheets

This week I once again tackled the topic of identifying feelings in my counseling group of school-aged girls.  I had exhausted all of my feelings worksheets with them already but was excited to come across this set of new ones I found.  Identifying feelings is one of the main goals in counseling kids, so it’s a topic I come back to frequently (and I’m sure it will be a frequent blog post topic as well).

These feelings worksheets are mostly for school aged kids, but if you have toddlers I love the Kimochi dolls for learning about feelings that I mentioned here.

When I introduce feelings to kids, I usually start with a chart.  There are so many out there, I recommend looking at a few before you get one to make sure they fit with your child’s learning capacity.  Some are black and white, some have over 30 on them, so find one that works for you.

This chart is a good basic one for younger kids:

(http://www.communityofmindfulparents.com/alexythymia-and-mindfulness-offfeelings/)

Or this one:

Or you can order one from Amazon here, that’s a magnet and comes with a square where your child can put how they are feeling at that moment:


Mood Meter Magnet / Individual Feelings Chart (Emotions, Moods, Emoticons) How Are You Feeling Today?

 

 

 

 

The worksheets I found this week start out with a first page that lists all of the basic feelings and then asks the child to match the word to the face (you can find them at A Child’s Place ).

The next few worksheets list each individual feeling and then asks the child to draw a picture of a time they felt the feeling and write about their experiences.

These are a great way to get your child to start talking about feelings!  Some children don’t even know what some of the words mean, so it’s also a great learning experience.

As a parent, you can get start with the main feelings chart and show it to your child.  Then you can introduce the worksheets once a day or once a week and have them do it as a fun activity so they don’t view it as homework.  It would be a great one-on-one activity to do with your child as well, as you fill out one page and share your feelings and then have them do the same.  That way, they will see that sharing feelings is an easy thing to do with their mom or dad :)

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Mar26

Toddler Empathy

As a counselor, having empathy with your clients is a must. It’s one of the reasons I decided to work with children way back in college. I felt I had a great sense of empathy with them and understood how they see things in our world.

But now that I have my own child, I realize I get caught up in her fast paced life and forget to look at the big picture.  Yesterday when we were at a friend’s birthday party at her home, my toddler went up to their water dispenser, one of those Ozarka things, and started playing with the cold water spout.  I told her “that is not for playing with” as I was talking to another mom friend.  And then a few minutes later, I turned around and saw that she had touched it again, and spilled water on the floor. I set the limit again and she finally listened to me and she came over to help me clean up the spill.  I redirected her to another toy and the problem was solved.

BUT, on the way home I was thinking about it and it hit me! That was the first time she had ever seen a water dispenser before and was probably just curious to see what the heck this big, tall, water machine was.

And I thought to myself, “gee, I forget that my little child is only 22 months old and is seeing so many things in the world for the first time in her life, and it must be so amazing to her!”  I need to stop and use more empathy with her.  Put myself in her shoes and see what she must be seeing.

My statements should have been more, “Wow, you found a really cool water dispenser!  And you noticed that when you touch the blue tab, water comes out of it!”  She must have been mesmerized by this fascinating new toy she found.  Instead of sharing in her joy and discovery, I quickly just told her, “that’s not for playing with,” as I was too consumed in another conversation.

I should have continued with her excitement and then stated the limit, “I know how fun it must be to explore it, and you can still look at it, but the blue tab is not for playing with.  It will spill water in the floor if we do.” And then showed her how we use cups to catch the water to drink.

It reminds me of a scene I saw the other day at Target where this mom was in the towel aisle with her barely 12 month old looking little girl sitting in the grocery cart.  The child had turned around and grabbed a bundle of washclothes out of the grocery cart to look at and the mom grabbed them out of her hands stating, “those are not yours! Why do you have to be so selfish and think that everything is yours!”  Seriously??  I’m not going to judge, but come on, the child is 12 months old.  This would be a great example of having a little empathy and understanding that hey, this poor little girl is just wanting to explore.

I know we don’t always have the time or the energy to be so enthusiastic and empathic about our children when they are not listening to us, or not doing what we say, breaking limits and throwing tantrums.  But I figure if we can manage a few empathic moments here and there, then we are doing a pretty good job!

 

Posted in Child Therapy 101, Play Therapy | Tagged , | 3 Comments
Mar22

The Fault in Our Stars

I was asked to review the book The Fault in Our Stars recently by the site BlogHer as part of their book club for bloggers.  It was by an author I had not read before, John Green, and yes, he is a Young Adult author.  A bit skeptical about reading it? Maybe.  I was thinking, hmm, another Hunger Games, Twilight young adult phenomenon. Absolutely not!  Once I started this book, let me tell you, I could NOT put it down!

As a mom and counselor, it touched on so many life issues. Mostly, it deals with life, love, loss and grief. The main character, Hazel, is dealing with having a terminal illness as a 16 year old girl and living at home with her parents, with her GED already in place and dealing with life’s ups and downs.  She is an amazing character and I loved the way the author made her so real and I felt as though anyone could identify with her, even a 60 year-old male.

The book really makes you think about the meaning of life, goals, and yes, the topic we all hate and avoid, ‘death.’  But it’s not a sad, tear jerking Terms of Endearment story that I thought it might be.  It really inspires you to appreciate the little things in life and that as rough as life might get, eventually, it really IS going to be o.k.

And the mother element in the book was very moving as you can identify with the main character’s mother and how her new full time job is caring for her sick child and wondering if she will still be considered a mom if her daughter does not make it.  I like how it also touched on how parents need to find their own meaning in life and to do things that they enjoy outside of their main role as ‘parent.’  We can’t forget our own hobbies and interests once we become a mom, which is so easy to do.  Now that I have a toddler and pregnant, I find that my extra activities are now reading parenting magazines, working on baby books, and other mom activities and have neglected some of my old interests like music, baking, crafts and outdoor interests.

I know, you are probably thinking, okay, a book about teens, are you serious? Yes, I am.  As I was reading it, I was thinking of how much I want to recommend this book.  Most people I know would really enjoy reading it and would each gain something different from it.

Okay, enough bragging about how great this book is.  Go out and read it and join us in the discussion at BlogHer here for the next month!  I mean it, you will finish this thing super fast and ready for his next one.

This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own.” 


Posted in Books | Tagged , , | 2 Comments
Mar20

Planning Children’s Birthday Parties

With my little toddler’s 2nd birthday fast approaching, I know I have a lot of planning to do.  Favors, themes, guest list, activities, etc.  I came across an excellent website called The Party Works to help.  And I was so excited that Lisa from The Party Works offered to write a guest post for my blog to help me and my readers out!  Here is her excellent party planning ‘to-do’ list:

Kids’ Birthday Party To-Do List

When it comes to throwing your child a birthday party, you can never be too prepared. It’s a lot more difficult than many people think to pull off a great children’s party. You have to send out invitations, get some Mario party supplies, buy food, make food, and do what seems like a hundred other things depending on what your little one wants at his or her party. Even if you start planning weeks in advance, it’s still likely that you might forget to do something in preparation for the party. That’s why it’s essential to make a to-do list to help remind you to do everything you need to do. Here are some of the more important things you may need to do in preparation for your son or daughter’s birthday party:

 

1. Send out invitations early.

 

You may want to send them out up to a month in advance. This will give all the party guests time to RSVP and adjust their schedules as necessary to be able to attend the party.

 

2. Ask a few parents to help you chaperone.

 

You’re going to want to ask around early to see which parents might be open to helping you chaperone the party. You may also want to ask your parents or other family members to come to the shindig. Having a few extra adults at the party can be a huge help.

 

3. Get the cake, snacks, party supplies, and favors a couple of days in advance.

 

You’ll probably want to get these one or two days before the party. If you’re going to bake the cake, it’s a good idea to bake it the night before the party. You don’t necessarily want to save running errands to pick up these essential party items until the day of the party when you’ll have a whole lot of other stuff on your plate.

 

4. Create a party agenda.

 

Get together with the birthday boy or birthday girl and make a list together of the games and activities the children will play at the party. If your child wants to play board games at the party, make sure you have these board games on hand. Having an established party agenda will help the party go smoothly, since the kids will be too busy with activities to get into any trouble.

 

5. Go easy on yourself.

 

Planning a child’s birthday party is hard work. Don’t expect everything to go exactly as planned, and don’t blame yourself if something goes on at the party. Just deal with whatever needs to be dealt with and make sure both you and your child have fun.

 

Author’s Bio: Lisa is a mom and guest poster on the topics of party planning, child rearing, and being a working mother. When she’s not working or hanging out with her family, she likes to paint, draw, and write.

 

 

 

Posted in Milestones, Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment
Mar14

Learning to say No

I know I have touched on the topic of saying ‘no’ on my blog before.  And right now, temper tantrums are a regular thing in our household.  Now that my child is approaching the ‘terrible two’s’ I can see where they get that saying.  But I still choose to look at it as more of a ‘I’m trying to exert my independence stage.’

Of course language delays are still a source of the problem with my child not able to get her point across as easily and gets frustrated.

Toddlers love saying the word ‘no’, but it’s even harder for parents to say it and mean it too!  It’s so easy to set a limit and say no and give in, because the crying, whining and temper tantrums will stop instantly the moment we give in.  It’s like giving a child a pacifier.

But giving in now, will only set the stage for a spoiled and whiny child in the future, not to mention a child who will be running the household.  Ever seen kids like that before? Not a pretty sight.

Toddlers act as if the world is ending when we say no! Tears, tears and more tears.  But sticking to it and holding your ground, as hard as it seems, will pay off in the long run.

Believe me, my child has daily tantrums and her main ones are when I tell her ‘no’ to having more Juice Plus chewies, watching Elmo all day long, no to standing on her little table and no to coloring on some piece of furniture.

As parents we are there to teach them right from wrong and that we don’t always get our way in life.  If we don’t, we will end up that stage mom on American Idol trying to convince the judges that our child is going to be picked!  In real life, unfortunately there is rejection, so learning that we won’t always get what we want is a powerful and important lesson.

If your child is older, it’s important to set limits as well but also to let them tell their side to teach them how to reason.  It lets them know that their parents care and want to listen to them, even if the final answer is still no.

If you feel like you are saying no all day long, some parents suggest having a ‘yes’ chart.  Explain to your child you are going to keep track of all the nos and yeses on a chart and if at the end of the day if there are more yeses to limits set, then he will have a special activity to do together.

What else can we do to decrease temper tantrums (and say the word ‘no’ less)?:

- Use alternatives such as ‘I know you want to throw that toy, but toys are not for throwing because they might hurt someone or break. If you want to throw something, you can go outside and throw a ball’ or  “Trash is dirty, not for touching!”

-Have that ‘look’ such as shaking your head so they understand

- When you take your child to one of those “I want it all” stores like Target or Toys r Us, make sure they understand before you go in there that you are not buying a toy, or if you are, if it’s just for a friend’s birthday and bring their own toy with them and a snack to keep them happy.

Also remember to take their developmental stage into consideration!  This is a big one.  It is hard to witness parents being super hard on their kids and making unreasonable expectations.  Such as expecting a 2 year old to keep their room completely clean and punishing them if it’s not. Or expecting your 2 year old to use a fork correctly :)

If you are looking for a good book that talks about developmental expectations on each level (social, emotional, etc.), Ages and Stages is always a good reference:

 

 

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