Closet 'Holder'

credit: La Leche

Where has the time gone? How did my child get to be 20 months old already?  I know, I've heard from veteran moms out there that the time will fly by super fast, and that one day your child will be 3 and then next she will be 13!  So cherish the moments you have with them they say and the hugs they still give you.  I'm trying, I'm trying, seriously I am.

Remember those early newborn days when you held your child while she slept in your arms? I wish I could have just a few of those now, just to hold my toddler a little bit longer, because I know that there will be an age soon where they won't want you to hold them anymore.

There have been times where I wish my child could take a sweet little nap with me in my bed and hold her like I used to, but the times we have tried it, all she wants to do is play and thinks my bed is all fun and games.  She sleeps better on her own unfortunately.  Her crib is her haven and it's like her little womb, safe and all snug.

I remember reading such a sweet passage in my La Leche book about a mom who was a 'Secret Closet Holder.'  She used to hold her little 6 month old while she napped and never told anyone for fear they would think she was spoiling her.  When my child was 6 months old I realized she needed to learn to sleep on her own and in her bed, so I was not holding her for the 2 hour naps she was taking, well, maybe just a few times I did.  But, I look back now and of course wish I could have a few of those times again where I can stop time and be more of a 'closet holder' myself. Sigh. Well, maybe with our next baby:)

For those new moms out there, old moms, veterans and moms to be, I thought this 'Closet Holder' story was just too sweet not to share, so enjoy!

          "Some people are closet nursers of older children.  However, it is naptime that I have yet to 'come out' with. I tell people that Lauren naps fine.  What I don't tell them is that I hold her during her naps.  That's right, I'm a closet holder.  I can't help it.  My heart melts when she falls asleep in my arms nursing, her breathing becoming slow and heavy, her face relaxed and beautiful.  How could I possibly miss a minute of that?  It's intoxicating and I can't give it up.  Not yet.     

        I have missed parties, movies, dinners, and hours on the treadmill because I can't lay Lauren down and get away while she naps.  I've made up countless excuses to avoid confessing, but it has all been worth it. When Lauren is an adult and on her own, I will have the memories of the hours I spent smelling her hair and feeling her breathe while she slept peacefully on my chest.  I will always remember watching her drowsily wake up with hot rosy cheeks only to look at me lazily and snuggle back into my neck or into my breast to nurse again into dreamland.
    

       Lauren will soon outgrow my arms, especially with a new baby on the way.  This has made me hold on to and treasure our naptime even more.  I have well-meaning friends who tell me, 'try not to pick Lauren up so much. If you keep picking her up all the time, she'll have a hard time adjusting to the new baby' I just nod.  If only they knew."