Limit Setting Tips

As promised, here is another 'Tip Sheet' I have to make your life easier!  This one is on Limit Setting..most of this I have posted about before in detail, but it's nice to have it all in one place :)


I. 3 Step Limit Setting:

A) Recognize the feeling:  "I know you'd really like to..."  or " I can tell you're really feeling.." etc.

B) Set the Limit:  "...but you may not_________... because.."  or "but the answer is no"  or "but the cabinet door is not for kicking."

C)  Provide an alternative:  "You can_______if you'd like."  or "What you can do is ________"

Example: I can tell you are really feeling frustrated, but the crayons are not for throwing.  You can color with the crayons on paper, or if you are feeling mad, you can hit this pillow."

* If they disobey again, you can give a final limit: "I can see you really want to throw the crayons when you are mad, but the crayons are not for throwing, if you choose to throw them again, you choose to put them up for the rest of the afternoon."


II. After the 3 Step Process and they still disobey or argue, do NOT discuss: Tell them "I can tell you'd like to discuss this some more, but I have already said no"  or "but I've already answered that question." (This is after you have put the crayons up for the afternoon.)


III.  If they keep nagging about it or whining for it, calmly state "I've already answered that question."

"Do you remember the answer I gave you a few minutes ago when you asked? Go sit down in a  quiet place and think and I know you'll remember."

-If they are younger and you think they don't understand, "I've already answered that question, It sounds like you might have a question about the answer...." and explain further.



Credits: Most of the limit setting comes from my Play Therapy bible, by Gary Landreth, PhD: