Praise vs Encouragement

The other day I picked up my child from school and she said a child in her class told her that her artwork "wasn't very good" :( Stab.in.the.heart.  I know kids hearing these things are some of the pains of growing up in life, and kids will be mean and we won't always be there to protect them.  I am determined not to be a helicopter parent :)

I ran across another old handout of mine to help me in responding in way so my girls motivate themselves and increase their self-esteem in these situations.  To learn to just 'brush it off' and have confidence.  Encouraging our children is the best technique we have.  Encouraging them along the way so they know it's not all about pleasing other people, but to be happy with ourselves.

Praise: Praise is giving well, praise to our children and telling them how proud we are of them, "that's great" and "good job, you did wonderful!"  Saying these things here and there is OKAY, but try to make more encouraging remarks.

Encouragement: Statements that will teach children to encourage themselves and not considered about getting praise from others

Discouragement: Belittling children and causing low-self-esteem

I've touched on this topic before here, but thought these little handouts are great reminders as our kids grow!

         Praise vs Encouragement

                         Praise                                       Encouragement                      Discouragement

You cleaned up your room just            You really worked hard at        You left a sock out, I hope

like I told you to!                                     cleaning up your room!              you do better next time!

You got an A! That's my girl!             I can tell you are very proud      You may have made an A

                                                                of your grade!                             in Science, but what about

                                                                                                                     Math?

You make me happy when you         It was brave of you to tell the            I can't believe you 

tell the truth!                                       truth, even though you knew you    disobeyed me! I don't

                                                            would get in trouble                     want to hear another word!

You don't need my help. You're         I am confident you will do            Here, just let me do it for

the smartest kid in class!                      your best!                                           you.

I like you a lot better when you        You look so happy today.                 It's nice one of us had 

are wearing that smile!                   Would you tell me about your day?    an easy day! (sarcastic)

You're doing great! Growing           You're looking forward to going to    All teens are the same.

up just like I did.                               junior high and trying out all the      They think they know

                                                              new opportunities.                            what is best for                                                                                                                                       themselves, but you have                                                                                                                     no idea what you are doing.

Here's another chart with good comparisons:

Praise	Encouragement
You are so smart!	You are working so hard on your homework.
You are the best listener when I tell you to pick up your toys!	You sure make an effort to listen to me when I ask you to do something.
You had the highest score in your class on your test! Way to go!	You did very well on your test.  You seem to really enjoy doing well in school!
I am so proud of you.	You are so proud of yourself.
You're the best at cleaning your room.	Your room looks very neat since you straightened your bookshelves.
I'm so proud of your artwork.	I can see how much you enjoy art.  You take time to paint and use so many different colors.