Sunday, January 17, 2016

Seconds, Thirds and Beyond..

I've realized that I post less, and less and less these days. And less. So I think I am just going to quit apologizing for my lateness and lack of posting.  So is my life.  I just read a great blog on the topic of 'Saying No' and having more free time to enjoy things like blogging.  I wish I could start this new year off by having a clean schedule.  But I am going to try my hardest with what I have already and learn the power of saying no.  I liked the advice of just doing the activities that bring you LIFE and cut out the ones that DRAIN you.  With that being said, I do like blogging about my crazy imperfect Counselor Mom Life so here goes my post for the New Year..

My life had a sudden 'aha' moment last week when I needed to make chocolate chip cookies for a sick friend.  My older child who normally loves baking, was too busy playing in the other room to help, so I called in my 3 year old, Belle.  She ran right into the kitchen, got the stool out and stood at the counter waiting to make cookies.

I almost teared up because for her entire 3 years of life, I was always baking with my older child and not really giving it a thought for my younger one.  My youngest started making cookies with her older sister when she was curled up in her newborn sling while I 'wore' her around the kitchen.  the next year she was crawling on the kitchen floor while I baked with her sister and I barely payed attention to her.  I just assumed as she grew older that she was 'too young' and 'not interested yet.'

So for the first time last week, I realized I was doing a huge milestone activity ALONE with my second born. Now, some of you may have different gendered kids and maybe had a first born son, so you wanted to start the domestic stereotyped baking activities with your second born, first girl when she was 6 months old.  But for me, I had already done those fun first time girl things with my first born.  Or like when we got out the Christmas decorations, I called in my first born to help decorate the tree, forgetting my 3 year old might be just as excited to help. Sad, right?

I realized at that moment, yes 3.5 years later, that I needed to really give my second child the same attention and motivation that I had for my first. Not an easy task as everyone has told me the seconds, and thirds and beyond just get a little less attention.  They get by without the same rules as the first like the 5 minute rule when things fall on the floor vs. the 5 second rule.

But it's really made me wake up and realize that each child regardless of gender or birth order, really needs a little more time and attention.  So one of my New Years' resolutions is to work harder to give my second born new experiences and extra individual attention.  Just because my older one likes ballet, doesn't mean I need to throw it on my other child.  That new experiences can actually be done with our second born.   That my first born doesn't always have to be the 'first.'


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